7 Tips to Get You Through a Nasty Breakup

Man Staring Into Distance

Getting through a nasty breakup can be one of life’s most painful experiences. The first few days after a breakup can feel like your whole world has changed and it has! Now what? You may wonder if you’ll ever stop feeling hurt and angry, let alone be happy again. The good news is that you can and will recover. Here’s how to start the healing process.

7  Tips to Get Through a Nasty Breakup

1. Make a List

Look at the recovery period as though you’re in a jungle and you need to find your way out. Your best bet is to make a plan. All you may be able to put on the list for today is to get out of bed, and that’s okay. Give yourself small, manageable goals to get through each day. Set some big goals you’d like to work toward, too. All goals are achieved by a series of individual steps. Remember, all you ever have to do is take the step that is in front of you. Now is your time to create the road map for getting there.

2. Take Care of Yourself

Treat yourself in all the ways that you should have been treated by your ex—or at least go back to healthy behaviors you let fall to the wayside during your relationship. Take up a new workout routine that will help you burn off some bad feelings and get the mood-boosting benefits of exercise, as well as, tuning up your body and improving your health. Make sure to eat well and get enough sleep. Invest in yourself because you’re worth it.

3. Avoid Self-Destructive Behavior

Don’t fall into the common trap of drinking a bottle of wine after work or indulging in a carton of ice cream. Some people might tell you to go out and try to find a random stranger for a hook up to get over your ex. Bad advice. But there’s no need to make a bad situation worse. As they say, the best revenge is living well and being the best you can be. You can’t do that if you’re destroying yourself.

4. Let Yourself Cry

It’s normal to feel bad after a nasty breakup. Even breakups that aren’t particularly nasty are still painful. Let yourself cry and mourn what could have been. It’s okay if you feel sad for a while. But give yourself a time limit for your grieving. When that period is done, dust yourself off, pick yourself up and resolve to start again.

5. Write Your Ex a Letter—But Don’t Send It

Ooh, would you ever give your ex an earful! The relationship may be over, but you still have a lot of snappy retorts you’d like to make and truths you need to share. Write your ex a letter detailing all your feelings: the angry ones, the hurt ones, the petty and shallow ones. Tell him everything he or she did to hurt you. Write down all their most annoying traits and say how glad you are that you never have to put up with them anymore. The important thing: don’t send the letter. Rip it up and throw it away. This is about getting those bitter feelings out of you so you can move on.

6. Whatever You Do, Don’t Call Your Ex

You may reach a point after the breakup when you really miss your ex and think about picking up the phone. Even if you’re feeling nostalgic after remembering the good times, just don’t go there. Nothing good can come from reaching out to your ex.

7. Learn from Your Last Relationship

You may want to get into another relationship as soon as possible, especially if you dislike being alone. But make sure to take some time to learn from your last relationship, so the next one doesn’t have the same problems. Maybe you are inclined to pick out the same types of partners with the same types of problems. Maybe you have some habits that aren’t helpful in your relationships that you would like to change. It would be a good idea to talk the matter over with a therapist, like sort of a post-game review. At the very least, you would be wise to wait a little bit before jumping into a new relationship. Give yourself time to process and heal.

Breakups can be difficult, dramatic experiences. You might feel like you’re on a roller coaster at first. But rest assured that things will settle down and you can begin your path toward finding joy and peace.